Do people ever really change?

Well lets clear one thing up right now...since I strive to keep it real with all of you ladies out there in cyber world. The title is deceiving - I don't mean "people," I mean men. So, now that we have cleared that up, do they?

I know we have all had the blast from the past, the ex that you just can't get out of your head and off your mind, the one that reappears like an ugly pimple every 3-4 months or at the very least twice a year. Why do we always feel the need to give it one more try? Why is there always some soft part in us that says well just maybe he has gotten his act together? Maybe he has come to his senses and knows that I am the best thing out there for him????

I don't know the answer...but I do know that its a vicious cycle that is hard to break. I am firm believer in change and strive daily to become a better person and be better than I was yesterday, so why shouldn't I believe that others are working just as hard as I am to improve themselves. I wouldn't want someone to deny me a second chance to do better...to get it right...so why should I deny someone else that opportunity.

HHHMMMMM - well there is a difference between a second chance and then a third, fourth, fifth and so on and so on. And, change takes time and more importantly, it takes acknowledging that you have faults and that you have made mistakes and then seeking the help or solutions to repair the things...or people you messed up. And, it also takes work - you must be willing to put in the work.

So, with that said I guess the way you tell if it is worth giving it that good ole one more try is to look for signs of growth and change. Has that person put forth any effort to move towards change? And if you cant see that for sure, then are they at the very least acknowledging their shortcomings and do they have a plan for moving forward? If they haven't even put the wheels in motion, you need to run and run fast. And please, don't fall for the okey doke - don't let them tell you all the wonderful things they have done since you guys split. Look for it, test the waters and feel it out - you should be able to recognize change...the presence of it alone should be felt. If you cannot feel it or see it, then its the same old thing and no need of wasting your precious time on their intent or potential to change.

I guess the answer is people can change, but few do. So always be willing to allow for change, but don't waste too much time trying to find it. If it still walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like duck...then its still the same old duck that you left or parted ways with for a reason. Therefore, let sleeping dogs lie and keep pressing forward!

ENTITLEMENT

My, my, my how a little education, a decent job, a nice outfit and some expensive shoes can make us feel like we are on top of the world and entitled to treat others any way we want. When did you get to be so big that you have the right to expect others to do for you, when you want, and how you want? When did you get so far up on top that others should give to you...just because of who you "think" you are?

Ladies, never, never forget who you really are and more importantly, that but for the grace of God you might not be who you are. Be confident, secure and strong in knowing who you are, but be careful not to cross that line into self-righteousness. My mother use to always say, "to me you are the world, but in this world you are one little bitty dot..." Don't ever forget that you too are a mere human and no one has to or must give to you or do anything for you. Don't ever get so big on yourself that you forget to be polite, respectful and considerate. Don't ever get so full of you and decide that you have the right to judge and ridicule others. Be proud of who you are and what you've grown to be, but always, always remain grateful...for remember, you did not get there alone - there were others that helped you and blessings that came from above to guide and strengthen you along the way.

Stay Humble!

Loving You

One day you will wake up and all of those insecurities you have always felt and had wont be gone, but they will be okay. You will really truly love you and like everything about you. You will come to understand that you do the best you can with what you have and that you are only human and will fall short time and time again. What makes it okay? What makes it not feel so bad anymore? It's age...wisdom...and acceptance. Its knowing in your heart and soul that you have a good conscious and meant well, that you meant no harm or hurt to anyone. Its knowing that its just life, it doesn't always work out the way we hope, it doesn't always go so smoothly. Its knowing that this is you, this is what you were given to work with, so just make the most of it.

So, accept you for who and what you are. Be and do your best every day and pray each night that tomorrow you will be a better person and make wiser choices and as for the rest.....let it go. Learn from your mistakes, do not judge other's mistakes and most importantly, learn to forgive - have a soft heart to others...as they are only human - just like you!

Do the right thing...

I attended a funeral this weekend and the closing song was "Well Done." In case you don't know the hymn, basically, it says - when its all said and done and this weary life comes to an end, all we want is for the man above to say "job well done!" So, its made me think a lot about where I am in my life, in my relationships, in my service and if I'm living to make sure that when my time comes, I can be certain that he is going to look my life over and say "well done."

So how do you get the ultimate seal of approval? I don't know...I am mere human and imperfect just like you and have made so many mistakes along the way by acting abruptly or making decisions based on my emotions and I am sure there will be many more to come. But, what I do know is if we just start by "doing the right thing", we are much more likely to be in a better position to hear those words of praise.

So, while we continue to strive for perfect and to live by his word - focus on always "doing the right thing." You be the bigger person, be the first to extend a helping hand, be the first to apologize for your errors, end the stand-off, stop the gossip, mend a broken friendship. Do whatever would be "the right thing to do." Its so easy to take the path of least resistance or just sit one out and choose to do nothing and not everyone is going to applaud you for doing what is right, but in the end they will respect you. If we live each day striving to do the right thing, I truly believe we will be blessed to be in his good graces. And when its said and done, his stamp of approval is the only one that we need.

Keep in mind that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. So don't wait, start today and "do the right thing" in times of need, in times of controversy, in times of fear and in times of good and when you reach those pearly gates you will be well rewarded with those three simple words "job well done" and oh how sweet it will be...

Its a Season of Change and Transition

With the weather changing and the flowers beginning to come up out of the ground and bloom its hard not to think about change...doing something new. I don't know what it is, but this seems to truly be a season of change and transition. Several people I know are changing jobs, moving, getting married, having babies...making big changes in their lives. Change is good ~

But, change is not easy. For some its scary, hard to take a step outside of what they are use to - a step outside their comfort zone. Don't let it frighten you. Don't ever sit back and not make a move because of fear or comfort, you will only regret it some years later.

So, embrace change, do what makes you happy. If it doesn't work out, you can always just "change again." Take a step out on faith -- inventory your life and make the changes you need to and those that you want to. Believe me, it will feel refreshing and new!

Pace Yourself~~~~~

We spend our day putting out fires. Gotta do this, gotta get that done...trying to multi-task and shove in as much as we can into one day. Whose to say this is the way it has to be all of the time? I know there will be days when we have to take life by the horns and do it this way, but have you ever thought about just pacing yourself. Don't worry it will get done, may just not be when they want it to get done or when you think it needs to get done, but we're all going to get to the finish line.

Basically, life is one long marathon and its easy for us who are used to doing so much and having so much to do to start out the gate with full steam. But what we don't think about and realize is that coming out the gate in this fashion is likely to burn us out very early in the race. So, we need to make our approach to life just like we would a marathon - run for distance, not for speed.

In other words, just relax some and pace yourself... I know there will be times when we have to kick it into high gear and when those times come shift the gear stick and go for it, but for all of those other times when its really not a race~~~~~just pace yourself. In the end it will all get done and be just fine.

Are We Really That Over the Top?

So, we will all pack in to see "Why Did I Get Married Too" this weekend and hopefully you will laugh and get tearful at the highly emotional scenes just as I did. However, when it was all said and done, I had just one question - are we really that over the top? Are black women really that emotional? YES - YES and YES. But why??????

Yeah I know its just a movie and yes, I know Angela is a very dramatic version, but when you get right down to it, we are very emotional, expressive beings. Its like that song "Real Woman" we can go on and on until we prove our point and we are so quick to pull the coat of anyone who dares to try and wrong us or "disrespect us." What is it? Are we taught this? Is it innate? I don't know, but I do know I'm guilty of it too.

Whoever it was that first said..."black women don't take no ----" wasn't kidding. We are REAL. We are straight up. But its all good, its what makes us who and what we are...."REAL WOMEN"

Go in peace my black women~~