~Do Something Outside Your Box~

We spend so much time following our routine and doing the daily chores, that sometimes we forget that there is a whole big world out there, outside of the norm, other than the usual. So take some time this week and do something outside your box. Do something that you normally wouldn't even consider doing. Let your hair down, relax a little, have a glass a wine or hit the dance floor. Do that little something you've seen others do and wished you were bold enough to do. Ask that guy you've been eyeing out to dinner, send yourself some flowers or go treat yourself to a movie without any company. Scared to go that big, then just wear something that you normally wouldn't, put on a nice new bright color of lipstick, buy a pair of sexy underwear and wear them to work one day. Whatever it is, just do something outside of the boring and usual routine and watch and see how much liberation it brings you. Try a little taste of life outside your comfort box.

Is it Okay to Seek Help?

Yes, I know we are all superwomen....but, are we really? Doesn't everyone need help sometimes? Isn't it okay to need a little help? Must we always act like we have it all together and can do it all????

I watch some of the women that I work with whom are of different races and varying backgrounds and they don't do it all. They have nannies, they have therapist, nutritionist and even utilize pharmaceuticals to assist their coping skills (whether right or wrong). So why are we (black women) so hesitant to seek help? Why won't we allow people to help us? Why won't we seek help to assist us with coping with the stress and troubles of everyday life?

Well for one, we are raised to believe that we can and must do it all. For two, we can't always afford to buy "the help" we need and lastly, it just isn't part of our cultural ways to seek help...So where does this leave us? All stressed out, overwhelmed and consumed with trying to take on and handle everything...

It's okay to need some help. And, it's okay to seek help. In fact, being big enough to say you need some help really just makes you even more of a woman than you already are. So don't just continue to try to handle and deal with everything - get some help. Whatever that means for you. Delegate, ask someone to help you, get a therapist, talk to a friend, take a breather when needed, do and seek whatever kind of help you need to help you.

If you are anything like me, you take care of your household, your kids, your business, your family and friends. If you're not healthy it will only have a trickle down effect on all of these aspects of your life. So, do them and yourself a favor - help you to help them. After all, no one, but you, is expecting you to keep up that superwomen image. Stop being so hard on yourself...underneath your only human...your only a woman. :)

Just Say "NO"

Well, after such a lousy day Tuesday and one that wasn't much better yesterday, I approached today with a new attitude. "Just say NO!" To no surprise, I am just like all you other superwomen out there, I try to do and take on much too much. And you know whats funny (well not literally funny)? The more you take on, the more people ask you to do. Do they really think you want to do it? They cant possibly think its because you have nothing else to do...cause you have the 50 other things they have already asked you to do. But, forget about them, the question is - why is it so hard for us to just say "NO."

I don't know about you, but when I say no, I then go through the guilt thing or I always say no, with a "but I will try"...or "if I can get done with this, then..." I want to be able to say no kindly and leave it at just that, then walk away with a smile on my face feeling good because I protected my best interest instead of granting everyone else's. Do you feel me?

So, with this new challenge being on the forefront of my mind, I took on yesterday and today with a new attitude...any boy it feels good! WOW, didn't know you could get such joy out of turning people down (LOL). No, the joy comes from not overburdening yourself with someone else's work, troubles, assignments, issues or problems, or whatever it may be. It feels good to sort of stand up for yourself and be okay with saying no to something you may not really want to do or feel like doing. And you know what - its okay to say no. We know your superwoman, but you don't have to take it all on, all of the time.

With that said, I challenge all of you out there to take on the "just say NO" attitude and if you really don't want to do it or really just don't feel like doing it this time, then exercise your God giving right to "just say NO."

Struggling Today

Hey Ladies,

I think the title says just how I feel today. Everything that possibly can, has stressed me today. Not sure I can muster much positive speaking today and at first I wasn't going to write on this blog. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized isn't this what its really all about. Does everyday have to be up and bubbly? Is life that way? No, I am a real woman, with real issues and real problems and I have my good days and my bad days. So, in my effort to not pretend in front of all of you out there, I figured I would go ahead and write and let you all know - Today's a bad day (LOL).

But, today I'll suffer through it and tomorrow Ill get back up put that superwoman suit on and go back out there and fight the world. But until then, I'm going to put my feet up, get a glass of wine and try to release the stress from the day. If there are any words of support or wisdom out there, I could use them today.

Bringing Sexy Back

So, my girlfriend getting the divorce (who will probably be done with telling me things after she sees all of her business on here for all to know) wants to know how, after almost 10 years of marriage, does she get her sexy back. We all know that as women we can quickly loose our selves in taking care of our men and children and its easy to get real comfortable with everyday life. She feels that she is "not sexy anymore." Now, most of this is just coming from the emotions associated with the divorce, but it is easy for us to loose our sexiness. Well, I don't think we ever loose it, but its easy for us to loose the "feeling of sexiness."

So, what is sexy? Like beauty, I believe it is in the eye of the beholder. To be sexy, you have got to feel sexy and believe you are sexy. I truly don't believe that men have an exact definition of sexy. Now I agree, they like certain areas of our bodies and those are probably what they think of when you ask them about sexy, but I truly believe that any woman can be sexy and a man will see them as sexy if made to believe same.

How does a woman become or feel sexy? First, you have got to feel good about yourself. Once you are totally comfortable with you, or can totally pretend you are comfortable with you, the way you walk and talk will give off a certain confidence that is sexy. Next, you have got to dress sexy. No, not sleazy, just sexy (LOL). Now, what that means totally depends on you. It should be something that you are comfortable in or again, can pretend you are comfortable in and something that highlights your positives (can be clothing, a pair of heels or just some hot red lipstick). Finally, a little flirting is always good for the sole and never hurt anyone. If you can pull all of this off in one setting, you will be sexy and more importantly you will feel sexy.

What do you think? How does she get her sexy back?

Peace of Mind is Priceless

A wise woman once told me, well actually she has told me several times, that "peace of mind is priceless." A girlfriend of mine is going through a divorce. Because she is the main bread winner in the family, she stands to be on the loosing end (financially) when the divorce is said and done should her husband choose to fight her for it, and it appears that he is going to do just that. So, she asks "should I stay to keep the money I earned and the things that were bought with my money or do I let it all go to be happy?"

15 years ago my answer would have been FIGHT. Fight till the end with all your might, don't give him anything and don't let him take anything. If that means staying with him technically, but not wholeheartedly - then whatever it takes.

However, now that I am a little older and hopefully, a little more wiser my answer is quite different. I say, let it go. "Peace of mind is priceless." We spend our lives working to get material things and to acquire the finer things in life. Money and things come and go. But, at the end of the day when its all said and done, none of it means anything if your not happy and don't have peace.

So I ask all of you women out there, do you have peace of mind? If not, maybe its time to clear the clutter, re-prioritize your life and get rid of some stuff or someone. You deserve to be happy...whatever that means to and for you and if that means letting go, then let go.

Wishing that you all find peace ~

What color is love?

Went to see the movie "Our Family Wedding" today. As you may know, its about an African-American man and Mexican woman getting married and their families are all torn up about the race/ethnic thing. Movie wasn't that good, but as usual it got me to thinking about my "singlehood" and my new quest to broaden my horizons.

I recently adopted the idea that I would not only limit myself to my race/color (which happens to be black/African-American) for dates, relationships, etc. Now, I cant honestly say that I have become totally comfortable with the idea, but I have adopted it and trust me...this is a big step for me.

So what does this mean? Will I automatically be/can I really be attracted to men of other races? On the big screen, I can name several that I wouldn't hesitate if the opportunity ever arose to date them, but can't really say that I have ever been attracted to anything other than "black men." Why??? I don't know...they have only led me to a lot of crying and heart break (talk for another day), but can't really say that I have ever been out and seen a guy of a different race across the room and had that tingly feeling run down my spine.

Why is that? Does love really have a color for each individual? Why am I struggling with this? Why isn't it just coming naturally? I don't have anything against any other race, nor do I have any problems with interracial dating. I just have never been attracted to any other kind? Is this normal or am I just that shallow???

What color is love?

What's this all about?

So today I got this crazy idea to create this blog. Not sure what will become of it or where it will go, but I am going to give it a shot. I guess I got to thinking that no matter how spectacular we all are in our own little way - deep down inside we are all just women. We love to talk, analyze and share. We are thinkers, we are planners and yes, we are emotional. So when your husband is too tied up with sports to listen, your man has heard all he can stand and your girls are all too busy to give you the time, put your feet up, get out your laptop and let's talk.

Although there will always be a daily question and thought posted, please feel free to share your thoughts, change the topic or ask for a piece of advice from all us women out here listening to you. This will be the place you can be "just you" and openly show and share the soft, sensitive and emotional side. No need to wear the superwoman suit in this world - its just us girls! (...and its all anonymous, if you choose)

Looking forward to getting to know you all!